Five Ways to Get Started on Your Health and Fitness Goals (And Three Things to Skip)

Ever since people started to realize that I've been to Blob Town and back, I have had many friends tell me that they want to make a change but they aren't sure where to start. I find myself giving out the same advice over and over again, so I thought it would be helpful to put it all down in one place. There's a lot of information out there and I personally found it to be very overwhelming when I was starting out. Here is my by no means professional opinion on how to get crack-a-lackin':

Progress between Thanksgiving and Easter. By the next holiday I should be able to arrive at family dinner wearing my booty shorts. Calm down, I'm kidding. In other news, I'm definitely getting stronger and faster. Watch out, world.



1) Track your food. You don't have to (and probably shouldn't) do this forever but it's the best place to start for a few days. Diet is really the key to feeling better and losing weight. You can exercise until you fall over in a pool of sweat but if you aren't watching your nutrition and your calorie intake, you won't see the results you want. It's easy to tell yourself you've eaten fairly well that day but it's another to see it all laid out with the nutritional value and calories added up. Even healthy foods, such as natural peanut butter, really add up if you aren't careful with your portions. You might be surprised at how little vegetables you actually eat (I was not one bit surprised because, when I first started, I was passionate about the fact that vegetables were generally gross.) A very popular and easy-to-use (well, as easy as this tedious stuff gets) app for this is called My Fitness Pal. Give it a go and have a good cry at seeing your typical real-life eating habits! It's a fun time.

2) Learn about food and clean eating. Diet is everything and, if you want to see results, you need to have a (fairly...more on that later) clean one. If you hate what you're eating every day, you aren't going to be able to keep it up. Read this great article on clean eating. Research healthy substitutes for the junk you want to take out of your diet. Explore clean-eating recipes and try them out. When I first started, I thought I would stock up on bags of frozen veggies and eat them every day. Such a bad plan. That was a gross sad soggy time in life! When I realized that you could roast broccoli, it was a game changer. If you want this to be a lifestyle change, you should probably not hate that life. Find a way to like the new way you're going to have to eat most of the time.

3) Drink more water. Up that water intake! Flush out those toxins! Keep yourself feeling fuller longer! Stay hydrated! Have to pee every two seconds! You probably need to be drinking a bazillion times the amount of water than you currently are. People will start to wonder about your bladder issues but truly, water helps. I also have a tea and sparkling water obsession that keeps water from getting too boring.

4) Pick one small, manageable food goal and stick to it. Like your white bread? Switch it for brown. Do you eat two pieces of toast in a sitting? Have one. Crave juice? Switch to lemon water. Do you like to stuff your face with treats all day long? Try indulging with a treat once a day instead. If you incorporate little changes over time, you will be able to stick with it and not feel overwhelmed. These little changes and substitutions are what make the biggest difference because they become a habit instead of a chore.

5) Pick a reasonable workout goal. Aim to go for a quick walk, ride a bike, or do a twenty-minute workout three days a week. Sign up for a class that happens twice a week. Pick something that's realistic or you will set yourself up to fail. When you accomplish your small goals, they too become habits that you can be proud of and build on.



What Not to Do:

1) Extremes. Saying you will never so much as lick a piece of chocolate again is ridiculous. Promising yourself that you are going to do two-a-days until you have rock hard abs is making a promise that is not going to happen. It's going to take time and that is ok! Extremes are overwhelming, mentally draining, and a good way to set yourself up to fail. If they aren't maintainable over a long period of time, they probably aren't the best idea.

2) Buy a bunch of products or spend money on quick-fixes. Seriously. I cannot stress this enough. No pill, no wrap, no shake, and no voodoo magic is going to do this for you. It takes consistency and determination and a lot of self-ass-kicking. Don't waste your money! Even if those products do work in the short-term, as soon as you stop taking them, the weight will come back on and the laziness will creep back in. It's much better to make changes that will lead to a maintainable healthy lifestyle.

3) Give up when you don't immediately start to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger or when you eat two cupcakes at your kid's birthday party. It. Takes. Time. Mistakes will be made. It might be slow progress but slow progress is better that no progress, right? This will probably be the cheesiest thing I'll ever say but you just gotta think of that quote. You know, the one about a year from now you will wish you had started today - Dora the Explorer. Ask yourself if you want to use today to move closer or further away from your goals.



There you have it! My sage wisdom that I know intuitively learned through a lot of trial and error and frustration. This is what works for me and I hope it's helpful for you as well. Remember to take progress pictures when you start! It's painful now but you'll be glad you did when you're looking back, sitting on your newly-toned healthy butt.

Fitness Update: Trying to Escape from My Return to Square One

I hesitate to even write about health and fitness right now because anyone who sees me in real life is going to be thinking, maybe you should follow your own advice, Tara... However, real life isn't always perfect and progress definitely isn't instant. I want to share this part of my life because it has helped some of my friends and family before and because I hope to keep myself accountable. To show you that I do have a tiny bit of credibility, you can read about the start of my whole weight loss / learning about health and fitness adventure here and I'll give you a quick synopsis of what has happened since.

Before the first weight-loss journey began



After losing those 50 pounds, I went on to lose 30 more. That's 80 lbs altogether, folks, and even now I can't believe it. I was fitter than I had ever been in my life and that includes when I played hockey for nine years. In non-scale victories, I ran two 5ks and came 7th in the second race. I was really proud of what I could lift and squat at the gym. The best of all was that I had several people in my life tell me that I had inspired them to make changes to their own health and fitness. However, my anxiety and depression was at an all-time high and things took a turn for the worse.

Things were really difficult at this point...



The quick version of this part of the story is that, as a result of my struggle with mental health, I got too skinny and too focused on making sure that what I was eating was healthy. So much so that my entire obsession with this part of my life became unhealthy. After I got some help and recovered, I got back on track. I did the best I could but having little self-control while working in a restaurant as well as grieving a miscarriage caused me to gain some of the weight back. I wasn't too worried about it and was just so relieved to be mentally sound again that I was enjoying every minute of everything else in my life again. It was good for me to step back and take a break. I continued to eat well but didn't obsess.



Along came Clementine. I tried as hard as any pregnant lady can to keep her diet in check. I was even running for a bit but eventually, first trimester exhausting kept me down and I just tapped out all together. I looked quite a bit better overall than I had in my previous pregnancies but by the end, I still packed on weight like no other, felt so broken-down, and was discouraged by even the most elderly of elderly ladies whizzing past my lumbering self on the sidewalk. The number on the scale was surprisingly similar as well to my other (considerably less healthy) pregnancies, but I guess there is a lot of truth to the numbers holding less meaning than your actual body composition. Anyway, of course Clementine was worth every single pound and every grannyesque hip-pain. After Clementine, true to my usual annoyance, I didn't lose hardly any weight at all initially. Basically, once the baby was out, the rest of it just stayed. And stayed. Small amounts dropped off but I think breastfeeding might have been hindering the process rather than helping, the way the wise sages say it does. Once she started to eat solids and was nursing less, the pounds started to come off with consistent exercise. Just before Christmas, I tried on my old pre-pregnancy clothes - the biggest size though, not nearly the fit size I had been previously. I did a really attractive dance around my house when they actually fit! I was making progress! Then Christmas hit. I probably gained back 5 lbs in Nanaimo bars alone - we won't speak of the shortbread - and definitely didn't gain any strength except in my arm, shoveling food into my mouth.

This was taken Thanksgiving so I had already lost a bit of weight by this point. Just to be very clear: the pregnancy weight gain was worse than this initially!

Taken Christmas Eve in Christmas pjs. I look kind of crazy but it had been a long night and this is the only full-body picture I could find! You can see the progress though.



So, here I am! With my New Year's resolution to wake-up before my children to get those workouts in (I know, I'm laughing at me too.) I have lost just over 40 pounds so far. I've given myself Clementine's April birthday as a deadline to be back at my high-average weight (at least 15 lbs to go) and to have some strength back. This may seem ridiculous but I thrive under pressure! It's been very discouraging to have worked so very hard and to be right back where I started. I miss how quickly I used to be able to move, how much I could lift, and wearing jeans instead of leggings (let's not talk about that). At the risk of sounding like a motivational speaker, something that keeps me going is knowing that every day is an opportunity to move myself closer my goals, even if it's only a little bit. Consistency and small changes really are everything.



I'm sure a lot of people are probably thinking I'm too focused on the scale but for me, the scale isn't discouraging; it's motivating. When I get to the point where most of the weight is off, I will be focusing more on muscle and strength goals, but I'm a long way from that point. I would also like to note that, for me, losing weight is something that is part of my overall health and fitness. There is a lot of pressure on women to get their "pre-baby body" back and I'm here to tell you that that ain't ever gonna happen for the majority, nor does it need to if that's not your thing. I work out and try my best to live a healthy lifestyle because:



- It keeps my anxiety and depression at bay.

- It means taking time for myself.

- I love the challenge.

- I love the example it sets for my kids.

- I have more energy.

- I love the gym and I love lifting! There. I said it.

- I feel like crap when I eat badly.

- I'm young. If I give up now, I don't even want to see where I'll be in fifty years. Some of my grandparents kept up a very active lifestyle into their eighties. I've always admired that. They were able to come to the beach with us and give back to their community by volunteering.

- I (shallowly) love shopping and clothes and this is a much easier thing to love when you are a good ol' size medium or small.

- I gain so much weight during pregnancy that if I didn't lose it, with every pregnancy I would be creeping closer and closer to having to have a forklift move me around

There you have it. I feel like myself when I am in shape and that first step towards that is weight-loss. With all of that said, here is the first quick fit tip (note to self: come up with a better name) for the day, focused on smacking those diets back into reality after the eating marathon that is the holidays. The number one thing that helps me with my diet is....



Don't buy it. Just don't. Walk past that icecream aisle. Tell that white bread you're over him. Stick your nose in the air at those chips. I have learned that my self-control extends to the grocery store and that is all. Once it's in my house, all it takes is a couple of my kid's tantrums and I'm eating my frustration in the form of something that tastes like chocolate with peanut butter. When I'm in the grocery store, armed with a meal plan and a list, it's much easier to talk myself down.

Do buy a healthy substitute.This was key for me. It doesn't work to go home and just say, "No more bad food for me! My body is a temple!" You're going to get cravings because probably you are human, although I'm sure there is an evolved monkey or two reading this post. Try to figure out what you're craving, seek out alternatives, and then have those alternatives on hand. You can go a long long way with small changes and that's the perfect place to start. First, try something like changing out your white bread for brown. Figure out what veggies you like and reach for those instead of a bagel. Switch out your regular milk for less fatty almond milk in your coffee. The little changes are easier to maintain and come as a habit. Extremes might work for a short time but they never hold in the long run (I could do another whole post about Why I Don't Do Cleanses or Diets, but I'll stop now.)



I could talk about this all day but I think that's enough for one sitting. I will do a post of more concrete snack ideas sometime and I'll keep posting tips and updates. This kind of thing was very helpful to me so hopefully this was encouraging to someone! It's a long and often difficult road to making a lifestyle change but it's so very worth it.

New Year New Sass-Level

You're probably thinking that New Year's resolutions are stupid and cliche and I would completely agree with you. I don't know what came over me at 10:40 on a Friday night. I thought, "hey Tara, you know what would make you even more ridiculously cool? If you made one of those lists you love so much. You know, the ones where you plan out your life!" I said to myself, "planning, lists, more sleep deprivation...who could resist?"



So here I am, six New Year's Resolutions later. I am trying to recall what my resolutions were last year and the ones that I do remember, I am proud to say that I actually kept. I mean, I think so. Hopefully remembering things wasn't on the list. I figure it's a good thing I'm writing these down this year to have some accountability.

How did you know, Great Wise Fortune Cookie?!

The theme for this year is going to be The Abels Gonna Do What the Abels Gonna Do. I have noticed lately how much time and worry I have invested in thinking about what everyone else is doing, how great all of their decisions look, and how they might be feeling about my life. Isn't that crazy? My entire life I dreamed of the day where I could make my own decisions and stick my tongue out at whoever said anything about it! I wouldn't say that I necessarily even consider it in my actual decision-making process but I sure do spend way too much time thinking about how I will defend or explain my decisions to others even though, as a chronic over-thinker, I have put a great deal of thought into any conclusion I've arrived at. Trust me, I have already sat there and picked even the most carefully crafted decisions apart like a cheese-string (but not like the characters they boast on the package. I can never figure those out!) As it turns out, making your own decisions is one of the most difficult things about motherhood or adulthood. There is no one to pat you on the back and say, "oh boy! That was a really great decision! 10 points for Griffindor!" It's mucho confusing and silly to look at a family and think, "those kids are so calm and never whine. Maybe I should parent more like that mom!" Or, "man, that exact sequence of perfect decisions really worked out well for her! I should try that." Pair thoughts like that with this laughable desire to please people (actually, I think it's the desire to avoid criticism because I hate it so! Being right all the time is so much more fun) by living up to some impossible standard where you're everything to everybody and you have an anxiety attack to call your own! The realization that this is impossible is far from new but I think I haven't really had the guts to put a stop to it in my own life before. I'm sick of the self-doubt, the stress over every little decision, the worrying about how people will view me. It pains me to admit that I was even doing that but if I'm honest with myself, I was. Enough of that. I've worked way too hard to become independent for this and twelve-year-old-Tara would be ashamed of me! This year, I'm going to do what I believe to be best for my family and myself and you know what? Maybe sometimes I will be wrong. That's ok! Alright, it's not really ok but I need to learn to deal with imperfection or failed plans. Something not working out is better than never trying out of fear, worry, or being a little too comfortable. So, talk away, people! I will be the first to tell you that Tara Abel is crazy, sassy, stubborn, and not going to listen to a word you say.



This year I will try to:

1) Start getting up before the kids to workout and shower.

This is a most unfortunate thing that needs to happen. Waking up is one of the world's worst evils, especially when you've stayed up way too late to try to experience the long-lost art of silence and then didn't get anything close to a quality sleep because Clementine. However, if I want to break my lazy cycle before TLC sends me an invitation to be on my own show, 19 Unnecessary Snacks and Counting, I need to make sure I'm fitting my workouts in. I envision this as me, opening wide the double doors to my room, showered and in one of those trendy crop-tops all the fourteen year olds are wearing (?!?!?!) that will show off my abs of steel, as little birds flutter around my head while I sing out, "Good morning, sweet darlings!" This will be a big improvement to being woken up to a small baby repeatedly slapping my face, while Theo whispers loudly through my bedroom door about how hungry he is to the background soundtrack of Lu wailing about how the snow is preventing her from wearing her bathing suit to church.



2) Make family time, dates, and friends a priority.

Life gets busy but we should never be too busy for this. Keeping Friday nights as our usual family night was working really well for us. We just need to find some sort of routine to keep up our kid-dates and couple dates.



3) Figure out what I'm doing in regards to going back to school and where I want that to take me.

This is too complicated to even get into but basically it's happening in some way, shape, or form. Just try and stop me, Life's Million Obstacles.



4) Less complaining and being negative.

Sometimes I'm listening to someone talk and I'm thinking, jeez, what is your problem? You sound like a cow. That someone is me. I seem to always be able to find something to whine about and it's ridiculous. I try to always be honest but, when someone asks how I am, it's ok to say that I'm doing pretty well instead of "WELL, LET ME TELL YOU!" There are so many bigger problems in the world than who cut me off in traffic or how my children can only ever find pants with holes in them. Sometimes this negative whining is about other people - even if it's just in my head - and I want to cut that out too. People are doing the best they can and the way they go about that is not always going to be the way that I would. End of story. I'm pretty sure this was one of my resolutions last year and while I can say that I have improved, I'm definitely not cured yet. Get it together, Tara.

Look at those poor children, playing on their own!

5) Play with the kids for half an hour every day.

People without kids and super mothers are probably gasping and wondering what I do all day that this needs to become a resolution. Mothers like me, however, know how tough this can be between ballet and school and dinner and diapers and cleaning bathtubs (ok, ha, you got me. Like I ever get around to the bathtubs...). I've been getting better at this but I want it to be a concrete habit by the end of the year.



6) Pray the rosary once a week

Last year, I was determined to start actually praying every day. I know, to all you saints out there, this probably sounds like some sort of joke but it was truly something I had to really work at. I set alarms on my phone for a while and everything! I would have all these grand notions of sitting in silent meditation for hours on end and - surprise! - that never happened. I finally had to realize that there was not going to be this perfect moment and that I just had to start somewhere. For me, it was before bed. Nothing elaborate but because I started simply, it's become an actual habit that I can now build on. So, here we go!



No New Year's post would be complete without me obnoxiously signing off with NEW YEAR NEW ME, BABY! xxxooo mwah mwah mwah. For real though, I hope you had a great weekend, everyone.



P.S. If you want to listen to something that makes you holler out-loud to yourself in your kitchen, "Yeah! That's right! Do what's best for your own family!" take a listen to this episode of the wonderful Fountains of Carrots podcast.

Tallulah Talks Ed. 4

I am playing catch-up with documenting the ridiculous things that come out of my children's mouths. I think they are still funny, if old now, and I want to have it all typed out so that I can look back and laugh with them someday.



This was taken right at the end of my pregnancy and really captures how we were all feeling.



During my pregnancy....

Me: Can I have another one of your minieggs, Lu?

Lu: I just heard the baby say, "no more candy for me!"



Just before meeting Clementine...

Lu: Alright! Let me see the baby!



The next day...

Lu: Is the baby still here? Are there any MORE babies?!



After a hard day with Clementine and seeing her cry every time I put her down...

Lu: Well that baby super loves you!"



And more...

Lu: What did you say, Mama?

Me: Nothing, I was talking to Clemmie.

Lu: You silly! Clemmie is not real!

Me: ......



Lu: I think Clemmie will say, "Nooo! I don't want to be a mommy!" But I will say I would like a big tummy and a jiggly butt. I will like to be a mommy like you!

Me: .....Thank you, Lu.



Lu: I like a baby in our house!



Talking about the marriage she has already planned to her (already chosen) future husband...

Me: Do you think you will be a good wife?

Lu: Yes, but I will get mad at him. Like you get mad at Daddy.

Me: .....

We found this under our pillow one night. It's The Black Spot, from Theo. I think he meant it to be really scary but I laughed for a million years.



Theo's take on all this....

Theo: Well, I'll just sit here like a pregnant woman...



Theo: Now that we have three kids, I don't think we can handle it.



Theo: Look at my picture, Mama. It's our family...You're grumpy forever.

Me: ....



And finally...

Me: Lu, are you wearing underwear?

Lu: It's a surprise!

We're Seeing Other People. They're Our Children.

I remember when I was about twelve, my parents came up with this new system to try to encourage me to finally behave myself. It basically consisted of some sort of point system and the end goal was that, if I got ten points, I got to go to Chapters. This was major incentive because I was a big nerd and had my eye on the entire Nancy Drew section. The part of this that I probably would never have admitted to enjoying so much then, but fondly remember now, was getting to have hot chocolate with my Dad in the adjacent Starbucks. I don't remember what we talked about or what book I ended up buying but I do remember sitting there at the table, drinking sugary goodness, and soaking in the precious one-on-one time with my Dad, as only the oldest of seven could.

At some point during my recent exhausting pregnancy, I started to feel incredibly guilty for how many Netflix Naps I was taking. For those of you who are not familiar with this term, that's the time of the day when you tell your kids that they can watch a Paw Patrol or two and, once you've passed out on the couch with your mouth hanging open in a charming manner, they actually end up watching.....seven. You gotta do what you gotta do and all but I knew I wanted to start being more deliberate about the time we were spending with our kids. I also wanted to get into the habit of spending alone time with them, due to the imminent arrival of Clementine, because I knew how quickly baby life-takeovers happen, once those sweet dictators are on the scene. We decided to start dating our children, which is not as creepy as it sounds, I swear.



Now because we live the poor life (ok, in a first world problems kind of way), we had to find some really clever mostly-free ways to wine and dine our new love interests. Luckily for us, it turns out that kids are very cheap dates and easily impressed by things like M & M's and spending time together outside. In all honesty, we have put a cap on the snacks portion of the date lately because it was all a certain food-loving child of ours cared about and we were starting to get a little jealous. We felt all the "when do I get a treat? Is it treat time yet? Can I have five Kinder Eggs instead of one?" was sort of distracting him from the point, which was realizing how awesome and hip his parents are.

The hardest part about the dates has been that we have two children that go on them, which means that one is going and one is staying. There are usually some tears from the child who gets left behind. I hope that the more the outings become a regular thing, the more the left-out child will be able to relax and realize their turn will come. Either that or eventually Clementine will be old enough to also feel the pain and the two sad children can cry and commiserate together. Either way!

I try to make sure that I spend my time with them really trying to get to know them as an individual - their likes, dislikes, quirks, plans, view of the world, and whether or not they like to take long walks on a beach. I try to focus on those stories they tell that might still be going on when we are out shopping for old-age homes together. I try and think of the most thoughtful questions I can and really listen to their hilarious responses. I put my phone away. I try to let them take their time and not tell them to hurry up. The stuff other normal good mothers do but I sometimes forget in the chaos of a regular day. So far, Matt and I have taken them:

- to the park to play soccer

- to Starbucks, for hot chocolate and a necklace-making sesh

- to the animal shelter, just to look and not to come home with a kitty. Seriously. No.

- on a hike

All of these were enthusiastically received.

Some ideas we have for the future are:

- skating

- pottery painting

- going to a farmer's market

- picnic time

- sitting on a hill with some sketchbooks

- checking out the Lego store

- going to a hockey game (or let's be real, probably lacrosse because $$$$)

- taking them to an event happening in the city

- going to feed the ducks (in what feels like a million months from now. I can dream!)

- fro-yo (is that still a thing?)

- exploring a new park

- bike-rides

- Ikea ( you probably think I'm kidding but I'm not. Ikea is the most magical place on earth.)

- getting their expert help with a project, including a trip to a hardware or home store

- garage-saling

This weekend, I am taking Tallulah to see a version of The Nutcracker for kids and we are both looking forward to it. I expect to leave with a beaming daughter and me in tears because I will never be that graceful.

Do you date your kids? Do you have any great date ideas you'd like to share? I'd love to hear them! And, if you're wondering, no, my parents' point system didn't work. I am proud to say that to this very day I still don't behave myself.