Two Despicable Parties

I survived another year of birthday-Christmas-birthday and lived to post about it in an untimely manner! As you can tell when you look very closely at my eyeballs, which are hanging permanently out of their sockets from me making my stress face, every round seems to come up even more quickly than the last.

Now, you may be asking yourself, what in the heck is wrong with this crazy pregnant lady? Just get a cake mix, some balloons and call it a day. I too have thought this exact same thought and though I've tried to convince myself, I just can't stay away from the siren song of the DIY birthday party. I love it! I love to bake things like cakes but I can't allow myself to have treats in the house on non-special occasions because I will eat them. All. No, like actually all. The crumbs of the crumbs will be slurped away. I also love to craft but the opportunities to make giant floating puffs of tissue paper and attach them all over your house are limited. I used to tell myself that I did all of this to save money as well but in reality, you can get decorations for so cheap these days that I don't think that's actually true. I suppose my biggest reason is that it makes me heartily pat myself on the back and feel like a fantastic mother, which doesn't make a lot of logical sense because truly alot of the moms I admire are the ones who just don't give two toots about this kind of thing. I think I just tell myself things such as "Well, I may be terrible at keeping baby books, playing games that involve lying on the floor, and I don't allow markers in the house, but I can make a mean streamer waterfall." And so, my friends, on birthdays I go all out. It is truly a time of celebration and near-divorce, as I run around the house throwing tape and hollering orders at anyone who is forced to help or listen.

This year, much to my cringing horror, Theo wanted his very first trademarked character birthday. Minions. I love Despicable Me probably even more than the next person but I just have a really hard time getting on board with this brand stuff. I can't help it. I don't care if I'm the last person standing who doesn't love these types of things but I just...don't. I decided to take inspiration from O Happy Day to try to minimize my pain but keep my kid's heart happy. Her advice was to throw in a couple key items but to just make the rest of the party your own. And that is what I did.

No party guests were harmed in the making of this photo. I just figured their parents probably don't want them associated with this madness.

I could not believe how easily this cake came together. It was absurd.

What always feels like much to soon after purging my living room of bits of candy canes, a billion baby Jesus's, and the inevitable styrofoam explosion that happens when you try to force your unwilling Christmas ornaments in the box, Lu's birthday shoots around the corner and surprises us. Just like her brother, she was thrilled to give me a half heart-attack and ask for a party to the theme of the fluffy unicorn from, yes, Despicable Me. Luckily for me, the people who make money from making plates out of these sorts of things haven't figured out just how marketable fluffy unicorns are, so this theme was left much more to my interpretation.

Just so everyone is aware, if Matt's first career choice doesn't pan out, he's well on his way to becoming a professional garland maker. Alright, so he only really twisted some things here and there and held up the string for me but I think he gets a B for effort. If he had toned down the noises that make it sound like he needs to get his appendix taken out, I might have have given him an A.

These tassel garlands had the bonus of sort of resembling unicorn tails.

There was alot more food than this sad bowl of chips, but I didn't have time to put it out before I took the photo. On special occasions, I do actually need to make getting out of my pajamas a priority.

Matt also helped with the streamers. By this point, he had stopped trying to fight me. What a stellar job he did too! We're quite a team. Me dictating, him hanging. Me getting frustrated at his slow pace and joining him on the hanging. Profesh.









Ok, so this is where I need to confess my deepest shame: I used a cake mix. From a box. The horror. Lu wanted a white cake because "dat is more like a unicorn" but I hadn't practiced my white cake making skills enough to trust myself to successfully create four layers. So we went the box route which felt a lot like cheating and tasted a lot like sponge. It looked pretty though! The cake topper was brought to you today by Matt, a tiny pony toy, a toothpick, a can of spray paint, and the word "Damn it!".

Look at those adorable fluffy unicorns! I made the horns out of a headband, foam paper, wrapping paper, and a stapler because my glue gun is no where to be found.

So there you have it! The nutshow is over for another year. My marriage is still intact (we even had a moment hanging up the garlands where Matt sincerely told me that he realizes that I am completely crazy and he still really loves me. So. Sweet!) Two extremely happy children have repeatedly thanked me for their parties which they "just loved" and have informed me that they have already started planning for next year. Hurray! Hopefully anyone planning a Despicable Me party of any kind will feel inspired by all of this, but as for me, I'm ready to hang up the scotch tape for a while.

This Is It and It's Ok

Well, this baby is due to pop out in 10 weeks which is both exciting and semi-terrifying (almost as terrifying as when a little friend of Theo's, who was over to play, got talking with with us about our new baby and piped up with, "Babies don't really 'pop' out though, right?" I said "Not exactly...Oh look, a distraction!") I realize that I've had two kids before so this should be like riding a bike, right?

I'm hoping this will be a much easier bike than I have had to ride in the past. When Theo was born, I was nineteen, fresh off the marriage boat, living in my in-laws' basement, and though I didn't know it I was struggling with depression and anxiety. Our possessions were basically second-hand baby clothes, one year's tuition for a journalism program I would no longer be attending and whatever generous people had given us for wedding gifts. I remember one night, in between HGTV marathons and breastfeeding, crying my eyes out while kissing Theo's little nose and telling him it was going to be ok. I could do this, even though I had no idea what that was going to mean. It turns out that it meant moving into a sketchy teeny first apartment and eating a lot of chocolate Costco muffins and chicken drumsticks because I was still learning to really cook. We would cuddle on the couch to the smells of the neighbours' pot haven across the hall. Life was frustrating but somehow it was ok. Theo was a sweetheart of a baby and made things really easy for us. We were totally in love with our wild-haired little boy.



We found out we were pregnant with Lu pretty quickly - read: Theo was still five months old. At the same time, Matt had been looking for a company to start his plumbing apprenticeship with but it was the recession and nobody was hiring. Friends of ours in Edmonton put him in touch with a neighbour and next thing we knew, we had leapt at a job offer and we were moving. When we told our parents all of that news at once, there was some happy talk but also some speculation that we had really hopped on the train to the town of cray. Looking back, I can completely understand the mixed reactions but at the time, I was feeling a little lonely staying at home with my tiny baby so I figured one more would really liven things up. I had friends in Edmonton, we wouldn't be there forever, it would be ok.



Fast-forward to another terrible apartment in one of the sketchiest parts of Edmonton, where I would spend my entire day alone because we only had one car. Still, I tried to make it as pretty as possible in that small small space and to fill the long days for Theo and me. After experiencing what I thought was gas turned oh-yeah-those-are-definitely-contractions and an almost car crash, beautiful Tallulah was born. Lu had reflux which meant the poor girl was in pain and cried alot. Feeding her was challenging. Actually, doing anything was challenging because she had to be on me at all times. My mom came to stay and help for a few days and when it was time for her to leave, I was more than a tad worried about how I was going to handle a 14 month old and a newborn. I remember making it through the first day on my own and going, I can do this. I can really do this. I have to wash my newborn's clothes at the laundromat but I can do this.



Matt ended up getting an even better job offer soon after and we moved into a much nicer neighbourhood, in a townhouse with quite a bit of space, an area for the kids to run around outside, and - thank God - a washer and dryer. I got a job at a gym down the road in the childcare department which really helped break up the still lonely and still long days. Matt would go to work before the sun came up and would often be gone until after dinner. We were both exhausted and, without our parents around, we didn't really get a break. Still, I loved being a mom and I tried really really hard. I learned about healthy eating and my cooking slowly improved. We sang and we read and made faces at each other, like good moms and babies do. I tried to be patient and I tried not to yell. I told them I loved them and kissed their sweet faces multiple times a day. Still, nothing I did was perfect enough to please myself and the depression and anxiety steadily got worse. Life got nearly impossible then but that's a story for another day. The point is, things were much much harder then than they are now and my first two experiences of babyhood were a complete whirlwind. Sometimes, I wish life had been easier then so that I could enjoy what fleeting time I had while my babies were small, but I know I did the best I could with what had been thrown at me. In the end, I suppose that's all any mother can say.



At one point, I had hoped that my third baby could be sort of a do-over. A chance to have that perfect mom experience. We have our own home now, we live close to the support of our parents, we have a washer and dryer and even a dishwasher, and I'm better. You know what? It's still not going to be perfect and that's ok because perfect is not real life. I'm going to the enjoy the crap out of this baby, even if it still has to ride around in some clunky cheap stroller, wearing some hand-me-downs from its siblings. I might be a bit scared of doing this again and it might be hard. Hopefully, things will never be as hard as they once were but I know that I can do scary and I can do hard. All I really have to remember about a baby is that cliche old ladies say on repeat about how fast it goes because it's true. You have to enjoy those speeding moments that you get because they aren't ever going to slow down. No matter where you're at or how your life is packaged, this is it. And most of the time, it's pretty wonderful.

Tallulah Talks Ed. 2 (heavily feat. Theo)

Lu: I like to sing more louder so that everyone can hear it.



Lu: Honey, do I look good?

Theo: ....



Lu: Oooh, mama, you're getting too big for this couch. It's not gonna fit you anymore.

Me: ....Thanks Lu.



In the last little while, Theo was the one who I was trying to hide my laughter from most often.

"Mama, this is a picture of you getting married. You're saying "AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Theo: Tallulah, if you keep yelling at me, you're gonna be k-l-p-f-e-y-. And that means no yelling!



Theo: Time to get the big black scissors! We need to cut your hair.

Me: No.

Theo: Aw, please? Just the hairs that are sticking up?

Me: No.

Theo: Awwwww mannnnnnn.



Me: Theo and Lu, what are you doing up there?

Theo (in a very loud whisper) : Quick Lu! Keep her busy!



On babies in Mama's tummy....

Theo: I don't think I want this baby. I heard they whine a lot for food.



On babies that used to be in Mama's tummy...

Theo: Remember Gus? Wouldn't it be funny if Jesus had boobies so that he was feeding Gus up there?

Me:.....

Lu:.....HAHAHAHA



On race...

Theo: So, when am I going to turn brown like Uncle Si?

Me: .....



Theo (after sitting awhile in silence, pondering and sighing) : Aw Mama, I wish you were white like us!

The Little Things: Door Updates

Since we bought our place two years ago, we have been slowly but surely bringing it into the modern world. We know that this isn't our forever home and also that my part-time job of hoping a rich stranger will feel sorry for me and hand us wads of cash has not been particularly lucrative. So we have had to work with what we have. You would not believe how quickly things that, in a spoiled way, you had previously thought were sort of a given, such as baseboards and light-switches, add up. So instead of buying replacements, we have done some DIY upgrades that we've been really pleased with.

One of these upgrades was our doors. We had the standard brown builder doors that you find in most homes built in the 80's. They were so blah that I wanted to fall asleep looking at them and they were really bringing down the style that I was trying to achieve in our home. What we ended up doing was gluing trim on them to make them look more current and then we gave them a fresh new coat of white paint. I (very badly...I was excited and have no patience) spray painted the door knobs black for some extra drama. What a difference! Our house instantly looked less dated.



One of my next biggest "ews" were our mirrored closet doors in the master. Nobody wants to have to see full-body views of themselves eating Ben and Jerry's that often, ok? Besides that, in the picture I had in my mind of my future bedroom, the mirrored doors stuck out like a granny in Forever 21. Sadly, new doors were not in the budget and frankly did not seem worth it in the big scheme of all I hope to eventually do to this house. I realized that the biggest problem was the really bad finish on the doors and that I could deal with the actual mirror part.



So I recruited my husband and brother to carry them down to the garage. They are much heavier than you'd think and those two practically gave me a heart attack with their lack of concern for my helpful "WATCH IT! BE CAREFUL! YOU KNOW THERE'S A WALL THERE, RIGHT?!" comments. Once they were in the garage, Matt put the doors up on a sawhorse and we got to work on the most essential part of the process - taping and covering the mirrors. This must be done well or your project is a bust.



Next, we spray-painted them with a primer and then a few coats of white paint. Ok, actually Matt did that. I'm realizing that his resistance to these projects is because he's probably catching on to the fact that he's really doing most of the work. I'm pregnant, ok! At any rate, we bribed my brother with beer to come back over and help move the doors back up. Ta-da! Instant update!

Now to get rid of that horrid carpet....I can already hear Matt sighing and saying, "No, Tara" in my mind but don't worry. I'm distracted by another project for the time being. This is the project where I purge our master of two out of four mirror closet doors that did not get painted, leaving a wide open space to create a baby nook AND creating the opportunity to re-do our entire bedroom. Updates to come!