Five Ways to Get Started on Your Health and Fitness Goals (And Three Things to Skip)

Ever since people started to realize that I've been to Blob Town and back, I have had many friends tell me that they want to make a change but they aren't sure where to start. I find myself giving out the same advice over and over again, so I thought it would be helpful to put it all down in one place. There's a lot of information out there and I personally found it to be very overwhelming when I was starting out. Here is my by no means professional opinion on how to get crack-a-lackin':

Progress between Thanksgiving and Easter. By the next holiday I should be able to arrive at family dinner wearing my booty shorts. Calm down, I'm kidding. In other news, I'm definitely getting stronger and faster. Watch out, world.



1) Track your food. You don't have to (and probably shouldn't) do this forever but it's the best place to start for a few days. Diet is really the key to feeling better and losing weight. You can exercise until you fall over in a pool of sweat but if you aren't watching your nutrition and your calorie intake, you won't see the results you want. It's easy to tell yourself you've eaten fairly well that day but it's another to see it all laid out with the nutritional value and calories added up. Even healthy foods, such as natural peanut butter, really add up if you aren't careful with your portions. You might be surprised at how little vegetables you actually eat (I was not one bit surprised because, when I first started, I was passionate about the fact that vegetables were generally gross.) A very popular and easy-to-use (well, as easy as this tedious stuff gets) app for this is called My Fitness Pal. Give it a go and have a good cry at seeing your typical real-life eating habits! It's a fun time.

2) Learn about food and clean eating. Diet is everything and, if you want to see results, you need to have a (fairly...more on that later) clean one. If you hate what you're eating every day, you aren't going to be able to keep it up. Read this great article on clean eating. Research healthy substitutes for the junk you want to take out of your diet. Explore clean-eating recipes and try them out. When I first started, I thought I would stock up on bags of frozen veggies and eat them every day. Such a bad plan. That was a gross sad soggy time in life! When I realized that you could roast broccoli, it was a game changer. If you want this to be a lifestyle change, you should probably not hate that life. Find a way to like the new way you're going to have to eat most of the time.

3) Drink more water. Up that water intake! Flush out those toxins! Keep yourself feeling fuller longer! Stay hydrated! Have to pee every two seconds! You probably need to be drinking a bazillion times the amount of water than you currently are. People will start to wonder about your bladder issues but truly, water helps. I also have a tea and sparkling water obsession that keeps water from getting too boring.

4) Pick one small, manageable food goal and stick to it. Like your white bread? Switch it for brown. Do you eat two pieces of toast in a sitting? Have one. Crave juice? Switch to lemon water. Do you like to stuff your face with treats all day long? Try indulging with a treat once a day instead. If you incorporate little changes over time, you will be able to stick with it and not feel overwhelmed. These little changes and substitutions are what make the biggest difference because they become a habit instead of a chore.

5) Pick a reasonable workout goal. Aim to go for a quick walk, ride a bike, or do a twenty-minute workout three days a week. Sign up for a class that happens twice a week. Pick something that's realistic or you will set yourself up to fail. When you accomplish your small goals, they too become habits that you can be proud of and build on.



What Not to Do:

1) Extremes. Saying you will never so much as lick a piece of chocolate again is ridiculous. Promising yourself that you are going to do two-a-days until you have rock hard abs is making a promise that is not going to happen. It's going to take time and that is ok! Extremes are overwhelming, mentally draining, and a good way to set yourself up to fail. If they aren't maintainable over a long period of time, they probably aren't the best idea.

2) Buy a bunch of products or spend money on quick-fixes. Seriously. I cannot stress this enough. No pill, no wrap, no shake, and no voodoo magic is going to do this for you. It takes consistency and determination and a lot of self-ass-kicking. Don't waste your money! Even if those products do work in the short-term, as soon as you stop taking them, the weight will come back on and the laziness will creep back in. It's much better to make changes that will lead to a maintainable healthy lifestyle.

3) Give up when you don't immediately start to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger or when you eat two cupcakes at your kid's birthday party. It. Takes. Time. Mistakes will be made. It might be slow progress but slow progress is better that no progress, right? This will probably be the cheesiest thing I'll ever say but you just gotta think of that quote. You know, the one about a year from now you will wish you had started today - Dora the Explorer. Ask yourself if you want to use today to move closer or further away from your goals.



There you have it! My sage wisdom that I know intuitively learned through a lot of trial and error and frustration. This is what works for me and I hope it's helpful for you as well. Remember to take progress pictures when you start! It's painful now but you'll be glad you did when you're looking back, sitting on your newly-toned healthy butt.

Fitness Update: Trying to Escape from My Return to Square One

I hesitate to even write about health and fitness right now because anyone who sees me in real life is going to be thinking, maybe you should follow your own advice, Tara... However, real life isn't always perfect and progress definitely isn't instant. I want to share this part of my life because it has helped some of my friends and family before and because I hope to keep myself accountable. To show you that I do have a tiny bit of credibility, you can read about the start of my whole weight loss / learning about health and fitness adventure here and I'll give you a quick synopsis of what has happened since.

Before the first weight-loss journey began



After losing those 50 pounds, I went on to lose 30 more. That's 80 lbs altogether, folks, and even now I can't believe it. I was fitter than I had ever been in my life and that includes when I played hockey for nine years. In non-scale victories, I ran two 5ks and came 7th in the second race. I was really proud of what I could lift and squat at the gym. The best of all was that I had several people in my life tell me that I had inspired them to make changes to their own health and fitness. However, my anxiety and depression was at an all-time high and things took a turn for the worse.

Things were really difficult at this point...



The quick version of this part of the story is that, as a result of my struggle with mental health, I got too skinny and too focused on making sure that what I was eating was healthy. So much so that my entire obsession with this part of my life became unhealthy. After I got some help and recovered, I got back on track. I did the best I could but having little self-control while working in a restaurant as well as grieving a miscarriage caused me to gain some of the weight back. I wasn't too worried about it and was just so relieved to be mentally sound again that I was enjoying every minute of everything else in my life again. It was good for me to step back and take a break. I continued to eat well but didn't obsess.



Along came Clementine. I tried as hard as any pregnant lady can to keep her diet in check. I was even running for a bit but eventually, first trimester exhausting kept me down and I just tapped out all together. I looked quite a bit better overall than I had in my previous pregnancies but by the end, I still packed on weight like no other, felt so broken-down, and was discouraged by even the most elderly of elderly ladies whizzing past my lumbering self on the sidewalk. The number on the scale was surprisingly similar as well to my other (considerably less healthy) pregnancies, but I guess there is a lot of truth to the numbers holding less meaning than your actual body composition. Anyway, of course Clementine was worth every single pound and every grannyesque hip-pain. After Clementine, true to my usual annoyance, I didn't lose hardly any weight at all initially. Basically, once the baby was out, the rest of it just stayed. And stayed. Small amounts dropped off but I think breastfeeding might have been hindering the process rather than helping, the way the wise sages say it does. Once she started to eat solids and was nursing less, the pounds started to come off with consistent exercise. Just before Christmas, I tried on my old pre-pregnancy clothes - the biggest size though, not nearly the fit size I had been previously. I did a really attractive dance around my house when they actually fit! I was making progress! Then Christmas hit. I probably gained back 5 lbs in Nanaimo bars alone - we won't speak of the shortbread - and definitely didn't gain any strength except in my arm, shoveling food into my mouth.

This was taken Thanksgiving so I had already lost a bit of weight by this point. Just to be very clear: the pregnancy weight gain was worse than this initially!

Taken Christmas Eve in Christmas pjs. I look kind of crazy but it had been a long night and this is the only full-body picture I could find! You can see the progress though.



So, here I am! With my New Year's resolution to wake-up before my children to get those workouts in (I know, I'm laughing at me too.) I have lost just over 40 pounds so far. I've given myself Clementine's April birthday as a deadline to be back at my high-average weight (at least 15 lbs to go) and to have some strength back. This may seem ridiculous but I thrive under pressure! It's been very discouraging to have worked so very hard and to be right back where I started. I miss how quickly I used to be able to move, how much I could lift, and wearing jeans instead of leggings (let's not talk about that). At the risk of sounding like a motivational speaker, something that keeps me going is knowing that every day is an opportunity to move myself closer my goals, even if it's only a little bit. Consistency and small changes really are everything.



I'm sure a lot of people are probably thinking I'm too focused on the scale but for me, the scale isn't discouraging; it's motivating. When I get to the point where most of the weight is off, I will be focusing more on muscle and strength goals, but I'm a long way from that point. I would also like to note that, for me, losing weight is something that is part of my overall health and fitness. There is a lot of pressure on women to get their "pre-baby body" back and I'm here to tell you that that ain't ever gonna happen for the majority, nor does it need to if that's not your thing. I work out and try my best to live a healthy lifestyle because:



- It keeps my anxiety and depression at bay.

- It means taking time for myself.

- I love the challenge.

- I love the example it sets for my kids.

- I have more energy.

- I love the gym and I love lifting! There. I said it.

- I feel like crap when I eat badly.

- I'm young. If I give up now, I don't even want to see where I'll be in fifty years. Some of my grandparents kept up a very active lifestyle into their eighties. I've always admired that. They were able to come to the beach with us and give back to their community by volunteering.

- I (shallowly) love shopping and clothes and this is a much easier thing to love when you are a good ol' size medium or small.

- I gain so much weight during pregnancy that if I didn't lose it, with every pregnancy I would be creeping closer and closer to having to have a forklift move me around

There you have it. I feel like myself when I am in shape and that first step towards that is weight-loss. With all of that said, here is the first quick fit tip (note to self: come up with a better name) for the day, focused on smacking those diets back into reality after the eating marathon that is the holidays. The number one thing that helps me with my diet is....



Don't buy it. Just don't. Walk past that icecream aisle. Tell that white bread you're over him. Stick your nose in the air at those chips. I have learned that my self-control extends to the grocery store and that is all. Once it's in my house, all it takes is a couple of my kid's tantrums and I'm eating my frustration in the form of something that tastes like chocolate with peanut butter. When I'm in the grocery store, armed with a meal plan and a list, it's much easier to talk myself down.

Do buy a healthy substitute.This was key for me. It doesn't work to go home and just say, "No more bad food for me! My body is a temple!" You're going to get cravings because probably you are human, although I'm sure there is an evolved monkey or two reading this post. Try to figure out what you're craving, seek out alternatives, and then have those alternatives on hand. You can go a long long way with small changes and that's the perfect place to start. First, try something like changing out your white bread for brown. Figure out what veggies you like and reach for those instead of a bagel. Switch out your regular milk for less fatty almond milk in your coffee. The little changes are easier to maintain and come as a habit. Extremes might work for a short time but they never hold in the long run (I could do another whole post about Why I Don't Do Cleanses or Diets, but I'll stop now.)



I could talk about this all day but I think that's enough for one sitting. I will do a post of more concrete snack ideas sometime and I'll keep posting tips and updates. This kind of thing was very helpful to me so hopefully this was encouraging to someone! It's a long and often difficult road to making a lifestyle change but it's so very worth it.

New Year New Sass-Level

You're probably thinking that New Year's resolutions are stupid and cliche and I would completely agree with you. I don't know what came over me at 10:40 on a Friday night. I thought, "hey Tara, you know what would make you even more ridiculously cool? If you made one of those lists you love so much. You know, the ones where you plan out your life!" I said to myself, "planning, lists, more sleep deprivation...who could resist?"



So here I am, six New Year's Resolutions later. I am trying to recall what my resolutions were last year and the ones that I do remember, I am proud to say that I actually kept. I mean, I think so. Hopefully remembering things wasn't on the list. I figure it's a good thing I'm writing these down this year to have some accountability.

How did you know, Great Wise Fortune Cookie?!

The theme for this year is going to be The Abels Gonna Do What the Abels Gonna Do. I have noticed lately how much time and worry I have invested in thinking about what everyone else is doing, how great all of their decisions look, and how they might be feeling about my life. Isn't that crazy? My entire life I dreamed of the day where I could make my own decisions and stick my tongue out at whoever said anything about it! I wouldn't say that I necessarily even consider it in my actual decision-making process but I sure do spend way too much time thinking about how I will defend or explain my decisions to others even though, as a chronic over-thinker, I have put a great deal of thought into any conclusion I've arrived at. Trust me, I have already sat there and picked even the most carefully crafted decisions apart like a cheese-string (but not like the characters they boast on the package. I can never figure those out!) As it turns out, making your own decisions is one of the most difficult things about motherhood or adulthood. There is no one to pat you on the back and say, "oh boy! That was a really great decision! 10 points for Griffindor!" It's mucho confusing and silly to look at a family and think, "those kids are so calm and never whine. Maybe I should parent more like that mom!" Or, "man, that exact sequence of perfect decisions really worked out well for her! I should try that." Pair thoughts like that with this laughable desire to please people (actually, I think it's the desire to avoid criticism because I hate it so! Being right all the time is so much more fun) by living up to some impossible standard where you're everything to everybody and you have an anxiety attack to call your own! The realization that this is impossible is far from new but I think I haven't really had the guts to put a stop to it in my own life before. I'm sick of the self-doubt, the stress over every little decision, the worrying about how people will view me. It pains me to admit that I was even doing that but if I'm honest with myself, I was. Enough of that. I've worked way too hard to become independent for this and twelve-year-old-Tara would be ashamed of me! This year, I'm going to do what I believe to be best for my family and myself and you know what? Maybe sometimes I will be wrong. That's ok! Alright, it's not really ok but I need to learn to deal with imperfection or failed plans. Something not working out is better than never trying out of fear, worry, or being a little too comfortable. So, talk away, people! I will be the first to tell you that Tara Abel is crazy, sassy, stubborn, and not going to listen to a word you say.



This year I will try to:

1) Start getting up before the kids to workout and shower.

This is a most unfortunate thing that needs to happen. Waking up is one of the world's worst evils, especially when you've stayed up way too late to try to experience the long-lost art of silence and then didn't get anything close to a quality sleep because Clementine. However, if I want to break my lazy cycle before TLC sends me an invitation to be on my own show, 19 Unnecessary Snacks and Counting, I need to make sure I'm fitting my workouts in. I envision this as me, opening wide the double doors to my room, showered and in one of those trendy crop-tops all the fourteen year olds are wearing (?!?!?!) that will show off my abs of steel, as little birds flutter around my head while I sing out, "Good morning, sweet darlings!" This will be a big improvement to being woken up to a small baby repeatedly slapping my face, while Theo whispers loudly through my bedroom door about how hungry he is to the background soundtrack of Lu wailing about how the snow is preventing her from wearing her bathing suit to church.



2) Make family time, dates, and friends a priority.

Life gets busy but we should never be too busy for this. Keeping Friday nights as our usual family night was working really well for us. We just need to find some sort of routine to keep up our kid-dates and couple dates.



3) Figure out what I'm doing in regards to going back to school and where I want that to take me.

This is too complicated to even get into but basically it's happening in some way, shape, or form. Just try and stop me, Life's Million Obstacles.



4) Less complaining and being negative.

Sometimes I'm listening to someone talk and I'm thinking, jeez, what is your problem? You sound like a cow. That someone is me. I seem to always be able to find something to whine about and it's ridiculous. I try to always be honest but, when someone asks how I am, it's ok to say that I'm doing pretty well instead of "WELL, LET ME TELL YOU!" There are so many bigger problems in the world than who cut me off in traffic or how my children can only ever find pants with holes in them. Sometimes this negative whining is about other people - even if it's just in my head - and I want to cut that out too. People are doing the best they can and the way they go about that is not always going to be the way that I would. End of story. I'm pretty sure this was one of my resolutions last year and while I can say that I have improved, I'm definitely not cured yet. Get it together, Tara.

Look at those poor children, playing on their own!

5) Play with the kids for half an hour every day.

People without kids and super mothers are probably gasping and wondering what I do all day that this needs to become a resolution. Mothers like me, however, know how tough this can be between ballet and school and dinner and diapers and cleaning bathtubs (ok, ha, you got me. Like I ever get around to the bathtubs...). I've been getting better at this but I want it to be a concrete habit by the end of the year.



6) Pray the rosary once a week

Last year, I was determined to start actually praying every day. I know, to all you saints out there, this probably sounds like some sort of joke but it was truly something I had to really work at. I set alarms on my phone for a while and everything! I would have all these grand notions of sitting in silent meditation for hours on end and - surprise! - that never happened. I finally had to realize that there was not going to be this perfect moment and that I just had to start somewhere. For me, it was before bed. Nothing elaborate but because I started simply, it's become an actual habit that I can now build on. So, here we go!



No New Year's post would be complete without me obnoxiously signing off with NEW YEAR NEW ME, BABY! xxxooo mwah mwah mwah. For real though, I hope you had a great weekend, everyone.



P.S. If you want to listen to something that makes you holler out-loud to yourself in your kitchen, "Yeah! That's right! Do what's best for your own family!" take a listen to this episode of the wonderful Fountains of Carrots podcast.

I'm Still Alive I Think

See, they can practically teach themselves while I run away to Mexico!



Things have been all shades of nuts lately but here are some quick updates.



Clementine is almost eight months old and I'm still acting like she's a newborn! I don't know if I'm just trying to soak up every minute of her babyhood because it's been so long since I've had a baby or what. All I know is I'm carrying her around every minute of the day, haven't ever left her for more than an hour or two, and do everything in my power to prevent her from crying. It may sound loving but it looks a lot like crazy. I'm very attached to her and she to me, even though I think we are driving each other insane. I really do think I need to start taking more time for myself though, so I'll work on that.



Homeschooling is probably best left to people who have no other option but to stay in their houses at all times while they are waiting to be transferred into witness protection. People will tell you how much fun they are having with their children all day and how the joy is just reigning down upon them - #blessed. Well, as Maury would say, the results are in and it has been determined that that is a lie! At least for our family. Homeschooling IS fun, about 10% of the time. The rest of the time it is a lot of work, my friends. I'm not even talking about the school portion. The actual schoolwork is hardly a problem at all and truly one of the best parts of it. The actual hard part is the having your kids around all day so that, in order to be alone (EVER) you need to hide in the bathroom with the doors locked, stuffing chocolate in your face. It's having your kids, who previously got along so well, start to be at each others' throats because of how much time they are now spending together. It's having to take them all grocery shopping. Every. Damn. Time. It's my house that is in such a state it could give the people on hoarders a run for their money. As an added bonus, I also get to listen to them have philosophical arguments all day, with titles such as Stop Looking at Me, Don't Look out my Car Window, I've Never Seen that Toy in my Life but All of a Sudden it's my Spirit Animal, and my personal favorite I'm Not Singing That Song About You I am Singing it To Myself. Needless to say, it's killing me. I will say that there has been some good in all this. I have been able to see Theo start to read and spell and the excitement that lights up his face when he realizes that. I have been able to spend deliberate time with them every single day. We have gotten to spend a lot of time with our fellow homeschooling friends and had many new experiences. We've read some great books, I was reminded that I should never ever go into anything involving math because its the worst, and we don't have many early mornings. I have also been able to get to know myself even better and confirm that I am indeed an introvert, who loves silence and cleanliness and organization. The jury is still out on whether all of that and my burning desire to torture myself are going to be enough to make me do this to myself again next year. I thought it was only fair to come clean so that all of you who thought I was losing it for attempting this experiment can feel really good about yourselves for being right and all those who are saying, "I don't know how Tara does it!" or pondering trying it for themselves can do so with eyes wide, wide open.



Someday soon I am going to get up the nerve to post a fitness update. My hesitation in making myself get up to take progress pictures should give you a good idea how it's going. It's going lazy. I have good spurts and then a day or two will go by where my workout just doesn't happen. Soon those days are weeks and here I am! Re-watching The OC like I'm twelve instead of squatting this butt into a shape that actually resembles a butt. At any rate, progress has been made, many pounds have been lost, and a new and exciting workout program has been found. More on that soon.



We're renovating our basement into an actual useable space. This means re-arranging my house a bit which is both thrilling and stressful. Pictures to come. I am more than overjoyed to have a place to shoo the lego, googly-eyed craft supplies and my children.



It's almost Christmas and for once in my entire life I can say that I have successfully finished all my shopping well in advance. This was mainly due to me realizing that online shopping is the greatest thing in the world. I just couldn't even with the actual mall this year. I basically step one foot in there, immediately feel overwhelmed, and start crying and blowing my nose on a stranger's sleeves. I thought I would do everyone a favor and stay home this year and I will never do it any other way! We have successfully forgotten to use our new Advent wreath every single night, my kids have those scandalous Advent calendars with actual chocolate in them, and we haven't made a single manger craft that wasn't arranged by someone else at a kid's program. So if you feel like an Advent failure, you're not alone. My cure is to stop pretending like it's going to happen and just accept that this is who I am. A big fat Advent failure who can read Christmas books, maybe make ornaments or bake cookies to give, send up some extra "HELP ME, GOD!" prayers and participate in the events the church is offering. Finally, I am ok with that and am a calmer mom for it. Feel free to stay off Pinterest and be an Advent failure along with me!



Well, I better go clean something so that someone can come and make a mess of it twenty-one seconds later!

Note To Self

I can't believe that I'm actually going to blog about this, but I'm kind of feeling like I need to. I need to write this down so that, every time I see it, it's like a smack in the face to keep going, and never give up. This is probably going to be the longest and most personal post I ever write in my life, but it's more for myself than anyone.

I used to be fat. I didn't really know that I was fat, but that didn't change the fact that I was. Not only was I fat, but I was unhealthy, and showing a bad example for my kids, and that is even worse. Ok, starting at the beginning of this story.

I was never one of those stick-like girls, but I wasn't really big either. I was somewhere in the middle. However, when I was younger, pre-teen age or so, I had some really strange ideas about my body. I remember not even wanting to wear shorts. Everyone used to bug me about it in a good natured way, but I stuck to my guns and wore pants in 30 degree heat. Somewhere along the way, the body issues went in the complete opposite direction and I was wearing all sorts of wild things that I wouldn't be caught dead in today. Call it teenage rebellion, because it probably was. Somewhere down the road into highschool, I started losing weight. Quite a bit of weight, and friends started to get a bit concerned. I didn't realize it at the time, but I think the things that I was going through emotionally had a big impact. That and I was really busy and didn't eat enough. In grade 12, I think I lived off the school's breakfast burritos and slurpees from 7-11. Somehow that led to me being the thinnest I have ever been, and I don't even know that I noticed. My eating and sleep habits also led to me not being very healthy mentally, though I didn't know it at the time.

Hopefully, my best friend Katie won't kill me for uploading all these photos. It wasn't really the original plan, but they really show the change.

Then came marriage, and baby number one. I was so in love with my son and concerned about his well-being that I sort of forgot about myself. I also had somewhat of an identity crisis as I struggled to be this young mom, the first of my friends to have a baby. I didn't know who I was for a while. I didn't know what to wear, what to say, how to explain a life of diapers and motherhood, and I didn't know how to relate. Post-partum depression and too many huge life changes at once came next, and with them came what were probably my worst eating habits yet. My husband and I decided to live like a bunch of college kids and eat all the foods we missed out on in childhood. I'm talking corndogs, Lucky Charms, and those gigantic chocolate muffins from Costco. We lived off that stuff. I'm serious. I remember watching Gilmore Girls and rationalizing my eating habits along with the Lorelais. It was kind of funny to me. Healthy people were weird, and missing out and I was so happy not to be one of them. Power to the candy! Obviously, this wasn't exactly helpful to my weight. To top it all off, I got pregnant again with my daughter fairly quickly after having my son. Just as I had started to make the effort to at least go for a walk every now and then, bam! Pregnancy and laziness struck again! By the time Lu was born, I was a whale. No, I am not being overly hard on myself. It was bad. The worst part was that I didn't even see it.

Somehow, I managed to tell myself that this was ok, and made every excuse in the book. I could see my face had gotten a little rounder, and my belly was sticking out a tad more than usual, but it was alright. I had time. I had my babies to focus on. My husband loved me the way I was. I'm just naturally a bigger person. Blah, blah, blah. One day, I went shopping with a friend and saw myself for the first time in a full-length mirror (mine had been broken in one of our many moves and just hadn't been replaced). What a wake up call that was. I barely recognized myself. For months afterwards, I was so upset. I had all this ridiculous anger about metabolisms and all my skinny friends who spent their days eating icecream and candy, and are still only 75 pounds. I spent copious amounts of time googling quick fixes and imagining myself falling ill with some grave sickness and dropping 20 pounds just like that. Surprise! It didn't happen. To top it off, I was hit with more post-partum depression and was all around miserable. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't just my weight making me miserable. I'm not as shallow as all this sounds! My eating habits and all of the sitting around were contributing to my depression. Then one day, I saw this quote, which is probably going to sound cheesy but it helped to wake me up. It was something along the lines of "happiness is a decision". Something just clicked. I realized that I could wallow and I could pat myself on the back, feed myself another excuse and another chocolate bar, or I could get a grip and do something about my misery.

Ugh. This was taken during a night out with friends and I remember the utter horror afterwards. I really didn't feel that I looked like this! I remember feeling really great that night. Then the pictures started to show up on Facebook....I would never have worn that outfit had I known.

So get a grip I did. I radically changed my eating habits, and the eating habits of my family. I had never let my kids eat the kinds of things I was eating, but now I was especially determined that they would have only the best. I kicked my extreme carb addiction, which was very difficult for me because carbs are always the quickest and tastiest things to grab. I replaced my unhealthy sweets with healthy ones. I started to eat things like quinoa, plain yogurt, and - get ready for a shocker here, folks - vegetables! I started to work out. Alot. Slowly but surely, I saw the pounds start to leave me. I know they say you shouldn't obsess over the scale, but for me it was my competition. Every day, I would check and see if the numbers went down. If they didn't, I would kick my own butt even harder the next day. If they did, it would only egg me on. From the time after my daughter was born until now, I have lost 50ish pounds. Hurray!

Here we are in a recent photo, on our way to Coldplay with our other best friend, Sarah, and Katie's sister, Anna. A little bit of an improvement!

Now hold up, because this isn't just a post to talk about how wonderful and sexy I am. This is a post to put it out there that I am struggling again. After I lost the weight, I had everyone telling me how great I looked, how skinny I was, how I inspired them, and on and on and on. So what did I do? I decided I looked so damn fantastic that I could slack off again. My motivation was gone. I felt like saying, "Hey world, I've arrived on the Island of the Fit and Skinny!". Only you know what? I haven't. Eventually, my lazy ways crept back, my diet was letting a few too many things slip by, and my moods have been starting to swing again. My all-or-nothing personality has chosen to do nothing, and that is just not ok.

I have such a long ways to go. I am not just talking about the last 15 or 20 pounds I'm wanting to lose. I'm talking about continuing to keep up my lifestyle change. I'm happier when I'm healthier, and it's as simple as that. I can't give up now. I just can't. I can't go back to how it was. So I'm putting it out there that I'm going to pick myself up and keep going. I am doing a 30 Day Challenge and I am going to try my very hardest to stick to it! I know now that even if I don't see a change right away, there is nothing more rewarding then working for what I want. I mean that for any aspect of my life. So you know what? It's great that there are tiny people out there who can do nothing and still look and feel like runaway models in Tahiti. Good for them! But I am one of the lucky ones who have to work for it. It's frustrating, and I could sit around and get all in a huff. Or I could just accept that that is how things are and change what I have the power to change. I'm all-around better for it.

The current plan?

- Start with continuing my 30 Day Challenge. No skipping, excuses, or laziness. It's just 30 Days.

- Clean up my eating. Why exercise if you are going to cancel it out by eating like crap.

- No more obsessing about how I look in comparison to other people. Let sticks be sticks, and people who want to be chubby be chubby. How much other people weigh shouldn't have any effect on how much I weigh. Only I have to bear the consequences if I make excuses. I'm doing this for me.

- No more pretending that things are fine the way they are. Have I been feeling down, had no energy, or been irritable? Heck yes, I have. Do I look like a brown version of Zooey Deschanel? I most definitely do not. I'm not done yet.

- No more upsetting myself about all the time I've wasted. What's done is done. All I can do is start over.

- If I still don't see the results I want after the thirty days, kick it up another notch. Being a slacker isn't going to help anything.

- Even if I will never fully rid my body of chubbery, it is still worth it. Health is worth it. The feeling I get after a workout is worth it. The example I set for my kids is worth it.

One of my biggest annoyances in life is people who don't take control of their problems, and just do something, anything, about them. I'll be damned if I become my own worst enemy. So for now, I'll still be crying along with Betty Draper in Mad Men when she says things like, "I lost a half a pound and I feel like I should pat myself on the back, because it was really hard." I feel ya, Betty, I feel ya. Anyways, just in case this post wasn't already enough of a snooze, I'll be sure to update you on this after 30 Days! I'm holding myself to it.