New Year New Sass-Level

You're probably thinking that New Year's resolutions are stupid and cliche and I would completely agree with you. I don't know what came over me at 10:40 on a Friday night. I thought, "hey Tara, you know what would make you even more ridiculously cool? If you made one of those lists you love so much. You know, the ones where you plan out your life!" I said to myself, "planning, lists, more sleep deprivation...who could resist?"



So here I am, six New Year's Resolutions later. I am trying to recall what my resolutions were last year and the ones that I do remember, I am proud to say that I actually kept. I mean, I think so. Hopefully remembering things wasn't on the list. I figure it's a good thing I'm writing these down this year to have some accountability.

How did you know, Great Wise Fortune Cookie?!

The theme for this year is going to be The Abels Gonna Do What the Abels Gonna Do. I have noticed lately how much time and worry I have invested in thinking about what everyone else is doing, how great all of their decisions look, and how they might be feeling about my life. Isn't that crazy? My entire life I dreamed of the day where I could make my own decisions and stick my tongue out at whoever said anything about it! I wouldn't say that I necessarily even consider it in my actual decision-making process but I sure do spend way too much time thinking about how I will defend or explain my decisions to others even though, as a chronic over-thinker, I have put a great deal of thought into any conclusion I've arrived at. Trust me, I have already sat there and picked even the most carefully crafted decisions apart like a cheese-string (but not like the characters they boast on the package. I can never figure those out!) As it turns out, making your own decisions is one of the most difficult things about motherhood or adulthood. There is no one to pat you on the back and say, "oh boy! That was a really great decision! 10 points for Griffindor!" It's mucho confusing and silly to look at a family and think, "those kids are so calm and never whine. Maybe I should parent more like that mom!" Or, "man, that exact sequence of perfect decisions really worked out well for her! I should try that." Pair thoughts like that with this laughable desire to please people (actually, I think it's the desire to avoid criticism because I hate it so! Being right all the time is so much more fun) by living up to some impossible standard where you're everything to everybody and you have an anxiety attack to call your own! The realization that this is impossible is far from new but I think I haven't really had the guts to put a stop to it in my own life before. I'm sick of the self-doubt, the stress over every little decision, the worrying about how people will view me. It pains me to admit that I was even doing that but if I'm honest with myself, I was. Enough of that. I've worked way too hard to become independent for this and twelve-year-old-Tara would be ashamed of me! This year, I'm going to do what I believe to be best for my family and myself and you know what? Maybe sometimes I will be wrong. That's ok! Alright, it's not really ok but I need to learn to deal with imperfection or failed plans. Something not working out is better than never trying out of fear, worry, or being a little too comfortable. So, talk away, people! I will be the first to tell you that Tara Abel is crazy, sassy, stubborn, and not going to listen to a word you say.



This year I will try to:

1) Start getting up before the kids to workout and shower.

This is a most unfortunate thing that needs to happen. Waking up is one of the world's worst evils, especially when you've stayed up way too late to try to experience the long-lost art of silence and then didn't get anything close to a quality sleep because Clementine. However, if I want to break my lazy cycle before TLC sends me an invitation to be on my own show, 19 Unnecessary Snacks and Counting, I need to make sure I'm fitting my workouts in. I envision this as me, opening wide the double doors to my room, showered and in one of those trendy crop-tops all the fourteen year olds are wearing (?!?!?!) that will show off my abs of steel, as little birds flutter around my head while I sing out, "Good morning, sweet darlings!" This will be a big improvement to being woken up to a small baby repeatedly slapping my face, while Theo whispers loudly through my bedroom door about how hungry he is to the background soundtrack of Lu wailing about how the snow is preventing her from wearing her bathing suit to church.



2) Make family time, dates, and friends a priority.

Life gets busy but we should never be too busy for this. Keeping Friday nights as our usual family night was working really well for us. We just need to find some sort of routine to keep up our kid-dates and couple dates.



3) Figure out what I'm doing in regards to going back to school and where I want that to take me.

This is too complicated to even get into but basically it's happening in some way, shape, or form. Just try and stop me, Life's Million Obstacles.



4) Less complaining and being negative.

Sometimes I'm listening to someone talk and I'm thinking, jeez, what is your problem? You sound like a cow. That someone is me. I seem to always be able to find something to whine about and it's ridiculous. I try to always be honest but, when someone asks how I am, it's ok to say that I'm doing pretty well instead of "WELL, LET ME TELL YOU!" There are so many bigger problems in the world than who cut me off in traffic or how my children can only ever find pants with holes in them. Sometimes this negative whining is about other people - even if it's just in my head - and I want to cut that out too. People are doing the best they can and the way they go about that is not always going to be the way that I would. End of story. I'm pretty sure this was one of my resolutions last year and while I can say that I have improved, I'm definitely not cured yet. Get it together, Tara.

Look at those poor children, playing on their own!

5) Play with the kids for half an hour every day.

People without kids and super mothers are probably gasping and wondering what I do all day that this needs to become a resolution. Mothers like me, however, know how tough this can be between ballet and school and dinner and diapers and cleaning bathtubs (ok, ha, you got me. Like I ever get around to the bathtubs...). I've been getting better at this but I want it to be a concrete habit by the end of the year.



6) Pray the rosary once a week

Last year, I was determined to start actually praying every day. I know, to all you saints out there, this probably sounds like some sort of joke but it was truly something I had to really work at. I set alarms on my phone for a while and everything! I would have all these grand notions of sitting in silent meditation for hours on end and - surprise! - that never happened. I finally had to realize that there was not going to be this perfect moment and that I just had to start somewhere. For me, it was before bed. Nothing elaborate but because I started simply, it's become an actual habit that I can now build on. So, here we go!



No New Year's post would be complete without me obnoxiously signing off with NEW YEAR NEW ME, BABY! xxxooo mwah mwah mwah. For real though, I hope you had a great weekend, everyone.



P.S. If you want to listen to something that makes you holler out-loud to yourself in your kitchen, "Yeah! That's right! Do what's best for your own family!" take a listen to this episode of the wonderful Fountains of Carrots podcast.